So What’s The Deal With Rice Cakes?
It can’t really be true, can it? The maligned Rice Cake, organic cardboard, consistently ranks in the top 25 of most boring topics. IN THE WORLD!
What? Rice has been around at least 130 million years. It’s only been grown as a crop for the past, oh, say 10,000 years or so… to the tune of 670 million metric tons a year!
The USA only started rice cultivation a hundred years ago. That explains why we only grow 6 million metric tons a year. Mostly in Arkansas. Rice is a Razorback. Uh-huh.
God only knows how much of that rice goes into rice cake production! I say that because he’s the only one who knows where that Google page is…
What Are The Uses For Rice Cakes
I mean, you can’t floss with it, much less eat it! Makes horrible smoothies. Friend’s eyes glaze over whenever I try to talk about it. Doesn’t work well with girls. So… I’ve thought it over… and I came up with 5 uses for rice cakes.
- Coasters. Don’t know why no one thought of this before. Organic coasters. They soak up any spilled liquids like coffee, beer, whiskey. Easy and cheap to replace, too!
Plus they easily conform to any surface abnormalities arising from knife sticks or exiting bullets. Thanks, cousin André.
They’re cheap! You can get six rice cakes for a couple of bucks. That’s opposed to a set of four coasters for $30! See what I mean?
- Checkers. That’s right, checkers. You’ll need 24. I recommend buying twelve plain rice cakes and 12 brown rice cakes. You’re all set!
- Trivets. Protects your countertops and table tops like a trivet. Don’t call me if you buy flavored rice cakes for this!
- Organic Necklace Charm. Take it from me, nothing says I Love You like a necklace with a rice cake charm! Wouldn’t you buy one?
- Quick Breakfast. Unexpected guests for breakfast? This would be a good time to swap out those coasters and trivets. Know what I mean? Smoothie, anyone?
The Future Of Rice Cakes
There has to be somewhere rice cakes can go to plan for their future. With a little luck and old-fashioned ingenuity I can happily say, “I can help…” Here are 5 future uses for them. Gotta keep those chromosomes moving…
• Repurpose all of those overused Frisbee courses littering the countryside. But stay home on windy days!
• Reprise the role of Oddjob for a remake of Goldfinger, subbing razor-edged rice cakes for the steel-rimmed bowler hat. Too bad “Harold” Sakata died in 1982. Might have worked…
• Skeet shooting target throws.
• Couldn’t think of a fifth future use for rice cakes. No wonder they’re so boring!
What’s Your Use For Rice Cakes?
Help me out by leaving a possible use for rice cakes in the Comments section below. Let’s get some interaction going! Or if you prefer, just leave a comment.
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